Jewelapalooza! Avoid Central Park tonight at all costs, because Alaskan "rock poetess" Jewel—who has not sung, or yodeled, in the city for three years—belts out a free concert, sponsored by a shampoo manufacturer. Cleavage-baring pop tartlet Willa Ford will open, then four aspiring singer-songwriters in their early 20’s—all, coincidentally, with really good hair—will compete for a "demo" recording contract with Atlantic Records. Ms. Ford, a lissome 20 (below), called from Tampa, Fla., and told us she’s not one of those Destiny’s Child divas with a stage mother. "My mom is my road manager whenever I’m touring, but she can’t sew worth crap," she said. How is Ms. Ford dealing with the pressures of impending superstardom? "My stomach hurts." Sandra Bernhard, Kimora Lee Simmons and Kathy Najimy will judge the lyrics by the four would-be songstresses. Bonus excerpt, from 22-year-old Libbie Schrader, about a woman who misses her monthly visitor: "When you’re one, two, three, four / Five days late / You’ve got to worry / Worry and wait / ’Cause there’s nothing in heaven or hell / To move it along in a hurry / It’s blurring your fate." Our stomach hurts. (Question: If Janis Joplin were alive today, would she be a Frizz-Ease spokesmodel?)

[Rumsey Playfield, Central Park, tickets at www.provoice.com, 8 p.m.]






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